I used to misunderstand happiness, believing it to be a constant state—something to be achieved once and for all. I thought that accomplishing my dreams, ambitions, and goals would finally end the pursuit. But that’s hardly true.
Happiness, like the weather, comes and goes. It is fleeting, arriving in moments rather than permanence. An underlying restlessness can linger even when life gives us every reason to be happy. And amid sorrow, a small, beautiful moment can spark unexpected joy.
We find, embrace, and then release happiness in the cracks and crevices of life—because we understand its transient nature.
However, as fleeting as it may be, is there a way to cultivate a lasting sense of being happy despite its impermanence? Should we seek a happy mindset rather than being happy itself?
Perhaps. Perhaps not.
Let’s explore what great minds have thought about the idea.
What is Happiness?
Defining happiness is difficult, yet we easily recognize it in fleeting moments. Answering “What makes you happy?” is often easier than defining happiness itself.
Philosophers throughout history have debated the nature of happiness, offering different perspectives on how it can be understood and experienced:
Aristotle (Eudaimonia)
Aristotle believed happiness is not a fleeting emotion but a state of flourishing achieved through virtue, wisdom, and purpose. True fulfilment comes from living ethically and striving toward one’s potential rather than chasing momentary pleasure.
Epicurus (Simple Pleasures and Friendship)
Epicurus argued that a happy feeling comes not from indulgence but from simple joys—good food, meaningful friendships, and freedom from unnecessary desires. He believed that by reducing pain and seeking a balanced life, one could experience more contentment.
The Stoics (Seneca, Marcus Aurelius – Inner Peace and Acceptance)
The Stoics viewed happiness as inner tranquillity, achieved through self-discipline and acceptance of life’s unpredictability. They believed that suffering arises from our resistance to change, and true happiness lies in aligning ourselves with the natural flow of life rather than seeking control over it.
Kant (Morality and Duty)
Immanuel Kant argued that being happy should not be the ultimate goal in life. Instead, living with integrity, fulfilling one’s moral duties, and acting ethically bring true meaning. In his view, happiness without morality is empty, while a life lived with purpose leads to deeper fulfilment.
Schopenhauer (Happiness as an Illusion)
Schopenhauer took a pessimistic view, arguing that being happy is merely a temporary relief from suffering. Since desires are endless and satisfaction is short-lived, minimizing suffering—rather than chasing joy—is the closest one can get to contentment.
Although these perspectives differ, they all suggest that happiness isn’t a destination to reach but a way of living and perceiving the world. Some emphasize cultivating virtue and purpose, while others argue that we best understand happiness by managing expectations and embracing life’s uncertainties.
Which perspective or philosophy do you identify with?
How Not to Seek Happiness to Be Happy
Happiness should never be pursued in a way that comes at the expense of others. True happiness is not self-centred; it does not thrive in isolation or selfish gain. Instead, it should inspire a will to serve, to uplift, and to share.
The joy we experience should be something we naturally wish for others as well.
We live meaningfully by reaching a state of contentment—not by chasing the feeling itself, but by cultivating the qualities that lead to it. This involves being at peace with who we are, continuously growing, and using our skills to add value to the world.
Happiness is not a permanent state, nor should it be. It must be valued, but what truly matters is seeking the ingredients that lead to a happy mindset—things like purpose, connection, and resilience. And just as we embrace joy, we must also allow space for sorrow.
It is okay to feel unhappy. It is okay to experience sadness. These emotions are not obstacles to being happy; they are part of the human experience.
There are no shortcuts, no fixed formulas to being happy. Instead of trying to force such emotions, we should seek to understand the root causes of our unhappiness.
Only then can we find the moments, the habits, and the perspectives that nurture a truly fulfilling life.
Happiness and Control: Focusing on What Truly Matters
One of the biggest reasons many of us struggle to feel happy is that we pour too much energy into things beyond our control while neglecting what we can change.
We dwell on external circumstances, opinions, and past events instead of directing that energy toward healing, growth, and meaningful action.
Take grief, for example. If your unhappiness stems from the loss of a loved one, no amount of wishing or regret can bring them back.
Holding on to memories is natural, even necessary, but clinging to the pain only deepens the wound. Healing requires letting go—not of love, but of suffering.
On the other hand, if your unhappiness comes from societal criticism—whether it’s disapproval of your choices, career, or way of life—then that burden is not yours to carry.
You are not responsible for how others perceive your journey. What matters is that you are growing, evolving, and staying true to yourself. It is not in seeking approval, but in being at peace with your path that we can be happy.
Some aspects of life fall in between—like relationships.
While you cannot control how others behave, you can control how you nurture connections, set boundaries, and respond to conflicts. Instead of feeling powerless, you can take inventory of your worries.
Make a list of what troubles you, then separate what is within your control from what isn’t.
Once you recognize what you can change, you reclaim your energy and shift your focus toward constructive action rather than endless frustration.
We cannot truly be happy by controlling everything—it comes from knowing what to release and what to take charge of.
Conclusion
Happiness isn’t a destination but a byproduct of how we live. The more we chase it, the more elusive it becomes. Instead of seeking happiness itself, we should cultivate purpose, gratitude, and resilience.
By focusing on what we can control and letting go of what we can’t, we create space for joy to arise naturally. True fulfilment comes not from forcing the feeling but from living meaningfully. When we stop chasing it, happiness finds us.